Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
