If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
