She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
