Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
