I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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