Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
