Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
