Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
