Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
