i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
