OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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