You're so nebulous sometimes
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
