was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize