my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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