So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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