i need an iv and a liver transplant
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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