just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
