She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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