Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
