Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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