"it" just moved
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize