I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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