I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
