I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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