Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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