i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
