What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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