Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
