hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
