If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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