my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
