Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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