I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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