I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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