Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
