i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If I die, sorry about rent.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
