if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
