how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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