yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
