Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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