Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
