so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
