i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
