Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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