i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
