I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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