dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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