so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
