I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
