So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
