He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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