Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
