Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Come see our sink grown plant.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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