It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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