I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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