Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
