Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
