: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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