great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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