If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
