No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
