drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
