Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
