I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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