Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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