But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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