I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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