He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
