you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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