she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
