ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
