We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
