well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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