do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
