We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
All I want is dick and wine.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
