Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
