Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize