If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
