omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
operation have a gay friend backfired
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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