Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
