Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I think I sprained my soul last night
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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