I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize