Your tits are I can't wait for
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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