We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
