i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
