ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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