i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
