yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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