I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
