I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
