what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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