they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
