Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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